not healthy.

so maybe it's a good idea to, you know, write and express and all that crazy shit, but i can't imagine it being so healthy to just have this blank screen in front of me, encouraging me to put out all of my thoughts -- ridiculous or otherwise.

i'm dating my best friend from high school. that's wierd.

and i'm having (dorky, i know) conversations online with this kid i've never met ('t' -- to copy his little code) -- telling him all my secrets and getting advice and support and comfort. we talk about d -- my best friend/lover and l -- his recent conquest, who is turning into this perfect woman for him.

i want to say 'i can't help but be envious' but that's not really true -- i suppose if i tried, i very well could help it. but then i am.

so he tells me about l and i tell him d and it makes sense. we're both smart, somewhat well-adjusted people who need outside, unbiased advice -- and who better to give you that than someone you don't know?

but i do know him. pretty well, i think.

i mean, i have no idea how he takes his coffee, or exactly what it is he does, or what size shoe he wears, or how he smells in the morning, but i can read his moods in the style of his words. i go out of my way to get online to talk to him.

he's going to read this. he's the one who got me on this whole blog business anyway. tonight. but i don't know how he'll respond.

i'd like to be able to say he'd smile and hug me -- but i've never met him so i can't experience that when he does. i'd love to be able to say he'd laugh and agree with me, giving me back some of the same things -- but i don't really know him and i wouldn't be able to hear the laugh.

i hope this at least makes him think.

thanks.