first one.

so i just got back from ecuador. on the 12th of december.

maybe that sounds like a lot of time -- but it's not. it feels not like yesterday but like 10 minutes ago. it's all so close to my heart. i guess i haven't written about it yet because it scares me... to get over it. to move on. to change back. to be here.

i'm in love with ecuador. i'm in love with me. i'm in love with love.

but what do i get from that? god i'm fucking boring. let's lament. that'll get me far.

if only i knew how to unlock me. i mean, clearly there's words inside. clearly there are melodies and tunes. clearly there is a whole different me. but where the fuck are you?

but that's not true -- that's too sci-fi for me. but still it is like being locked -- because i'm sure it's there -- the expression of myself from this life-changing trip -- but i can't find it.

ok. so. wtf.